We interrupt your regularly broadcasted reading with an emergency announcement.
Since Prometheus first stuck a copper tube into a fire to create electricity, man has relied on the surging strength of these charged particles to power his home and his life. If your power goes out, adhere to the following guidelines until it comes back on:
- Stay Calm: Or, if you’re scared, start screaming.
- Get Prepared: Every household should have an emergency kit containing a flashlight, first-aid equipment (gauze, etc.), second-aid equipment (crossbows, etc.), and a year’s supply of blood.
- Find Your Family: Huddle tightly in a central room of your home to silently decide whom you will eat first, when it comes to that.
- Strike First: It’s only a matter of time before your neighbors ransack your house looking for food and spouses. Attack them preemptively, but be not distracted by baubles of gold and rubies—it’s their bank of seeds that is most precious now.
- Wait Patiently: If you’re a fool, that is. In the dark world you now live in, strength is the only law. Fashion yourself a crown of bricks and beaks, coronate yourself the Forever King, and declare your fingernail clippings the sole currency.
- Check the Fuse Box: Even if the power turns back on, you can’t be prosecuted for crimes and sedition committed in the dark.
As you can probably tell, this is just something entertaining I found while looking for Christmas gifts on Groupon. I’ll be back to my normal and (real) informational blog posts as regularly scheduled this Friday.
This is life at esyringe.